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TO GROW WE MUST NOT FEAR CHANGE

fall in the park

FEAR can keep you from making positive changes that you know would be good for you. It’s okay to feel the fear; we all do at some time in our lives but don’t let it immobilize you.

Feel the fear…then push it aside and do what you need to do any way. You’ll stretch and grow or you can choose to stay where you are and be comfortable and stagnate.

I had a fear of talking in front of groups of people. I grew up a shy person and I hated it! I was the student in the class who knew the answer but was afraid to raise her hand. I was the girl at the party who hid in the corner, holding up the wall, plus at the age of 11 an accident left me with a burn and scar on the side of my face. The cruel kids at school called me scar-face which added to the shyness.

Writing was my passion. I kept journals, wrote poems and short stories. I ached to stand in front of an audience and share my work, but I couldn’t. The thought terrified me. Even in college I found ways to escape speaking in front of the class; however that worked against me when participation was a percentage of the grade.

Many years later I shared a poem with a good friend and told him of my fear of speaking in front of groups. He was a videographer for a television station and boy was he funny, outgoing and a wiz at making people comfortable in front of a camera. He became my coach, videotaping me as I read poetry and other writings. When I felt silly and uncomfortable he pointed out my progress, always encouraging and inspiring me to reach my potential.

For a birthday gift he paid for me to attend a Dale Carnegie public speaking course. I was amazed to see how many successful professionals shared my fear.
With a lot of work and determination, the fear began to lose its grip on me; I put myself in situations forcing me to express myself in front of groups. It was a challenge.
I applied the “fake it till you make it” mantra and it worked. Shyness and the fear of speaking in front of others had kept me in a prison without bars. Eventually the fear was put to rest  and along with it, shyness.

I made a change and the change changed my life! Don’t procrastinate another day. If there is something you need to do to better your quality of life, feel the fear and take action anyway!

 

from the desk of Ameenah Ross

 

 

for more empowering information or my book Depression Free A Wise Woman’s Guide to Healing and Happiness please visit http://www.ameenahross.com

HAPPY MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY – FORGIVENESS


Allowing your heart, soul and spirit to heal closes a door and opens a window of new opportunities for healthy living…loving and a lifetime of learning.

 

turtle

 

Don’t live in a shell…come out and play sometimes, enjoy the simple things in life. Remember that today is your PRESENT…tomorrow is not a PROMISE!

From the desk of Ameenah

http://www.ameenahross.com

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Happy Monday! Are you pepped up..prayed up and ready to go?

Do you know that statistics say that many people have heart attacks  on Monday morning going to jobs that they hate!

My nugget for the day is…

Don’t let undeserving people kill your spirit and make you bitter. Sometimes others around you can’t accept that you’re  growing…making positive changes, and creating a happier, more productive and peaceful life. They are energy drainers, be aware.  Stay as far away from them as you would someone with a bad cold!

Sometimes others are stuck in their own stuff! YoU can’t change that. It’s good to care and be supportive but not at the expense of  letting someone impinge on your development and happiness…

So…keep smiling and focused and remember that you can’t control what people say or do but..you can decide how and if  you choose to respond to them!

Stay Pepped up…Prayed up…and ready to go!!!

 

Please share what keeps you up and motivated when your surroundings are a challenge?

From the desk of Ameenah Ross

Nurse. Author.Speaker

http://www.ameenahross.com


 

 

MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY- LUNCH SPECIAL

 

food 4thought


So you know how many of us are always on one diet or another, trying to get healthy and maybe, just for once buy something really sexy out of Victoria’s Secret? 

Well, today I have the Ultimate diet! You can eat all you want! Absolutely no limitations…no calories…no carbohydrates…no sugar or salt, and it’s loaded with flavor.  You can’t beat that!

Today’s lunch special is Food for Thought …have as much as you like and if it’s too much, share it with a friend… enjoy!

10 Tips to feed your soul

1.      Let God be the captain of your ship.

2.      Be kind and forgiving to yourself.

3.      Sometimes you can talk too much.

4.      Sometimes you can … not talk enough.

5.      Stand up for yourself and what you believe.

6.      Don’t wait for someone to give you flowers…give them to yourself.

7.      Love yourself first, because only then can you truly love someone else.

8.      Value your time and use it wisely … it’s the one thing that you will never get back!

9.      Your heart can feel like it’s been broken in a million pieces, but God can mend it back like new.

10.    Don’t let your ego or pride keep you from saying “I’m sorry” or “I love you.”

Well, I surely hope your meal was satisfactory…It was a pleasure serving you and please come again and if there’s something not on the menu that you may like next time, let us know!

From the desk of Ameenah 

 http://www.ameenahross.com/#!book/cktc

MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY – 50 THINGS I’VE LEARNED

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#45 THAT LOVE SOMETIMES MEANS LETTING GO

Life is full of lessons that make us grow…Someone gave me this poem to read years ago, the message is still powerful today.

Letting Go

author unknown

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring; it

Means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off; it’s the

Realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow

Learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which

Means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame

Another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another

To be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging

All the outcomes, but to allow others to affect

Their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit

Another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold, or argue, but

Instead to search out my own shortcomings

And correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my

Desires, but to take each day as it comes and

Cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not the regret the past, but to

Grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and love more.

May we all know when to let go …let God …and Let live!

Has there been a time when you needed to let go and found it difficult? 

 

From the desk of Ameenah

http://www.ameenahross.com

THE FALL OF RAY RICE – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TAKES THE FIELD

It always concerns me to see one of God’s creatures wounded, so in the wake of the recent Ray Rice incident, I feel compelled to weigh in on the domestic violence conversation.  Unless you have been locked away from all forms of communication this past week, I’m sure you’re aware of the incident where NFL star Ray Rice delivered a devastating punch to his fiancé’s face during a domestic dispute, and luckily for her the incident was caught on tape.  First and foremost, I hope both Ray Rice and Janay Rice get the help they need as individuals, and then as a couple.

down but not outThis past Monday, my friend and I watched in horror as we, like the rest of the world, saw Ray Rice’s knock out video and reacted with pure shock. However, we didn’t realize that his wife married him shortly after the incident until listening to the broadcasters discussing it during Monday night football. “What, she married him after he knocked her unconscious, how crazy is that!” My friend yelled at the television. But I wasn’t the least bit surprised. I told her I’d seen that play out many times before.  As a former domestic abuse counselor I have accompanied numerous women to court for restraining orders, helped them get the resources they needed to create a new, abuse free life, only to see them voluntarily go back to their abuser in a few days to a week.  To make matters worse, the video didn’t show Ray Rice in a defenseless position, or at a point where his life was in danger, so his vicious left uppercut wasn’t impulsive.  I don’t believe this was the first time Janay has been abused by Ray Rice, I think this is the first time that he’s been caught!!  This screams of a woman who is stuck in an abusive relationship.

I am equally disappointed in the NFL for not reacting swiftly enough when this incident was first brought to their attention in April of 2014.  Even though the NFL claims that they didn’t see the “entire” tape initially, they did see enough to determine that Ray Rice beat his fiancé unconscious in an elevator in Atlantic City.  What does this say about our society when a corporation as large as the NFL doesn’t take swift, precise action when it comes to domestic violence?  What does it say when the prosecutor viewed this barbaric display of violence and gave Ray Rice a deal that includes no jail time?  Ray Rice isn’t the first domestic violence case in the NFL, nor is he the only current case pending…. the NFL viewership is over 50% female, and I think they need to display a better sensitivity to woman’s rights!!

Domestic abuse is similar to mental health issues in the sense that neither discriminates. I‘ve worked with women who were getting away from their abusive spouses who were lawyers, doctors, judges like U.S. District Judge Mark Fuller of Alabama, police officers…etc. For those women, their fear was that because their husband’s / boyfriend’s positions were so prominent that it was too difficult to report them, or get the help and support they needed to find a safe place to escape to.

I have also had personal friends who are well-educated doctors, social workers, and blue-collar employees alike; all financially independent women, yet they still found themselves caught up in abusive relationships.  Luckily, most of these individuals have managed to overcome their abusive situations. So while some women stay because of finances or prominence, for many others the issue is far deeper.

If I may, allow me to share a brief story with you:

When I worked as a counselor for a foster care program, one day we took a group of foster children on a fishing trip. Once the captain found a great spot for us to throw out our lines people began baiting their hooks. One older girl didn’t know how to do that, so one of the boys, 11 years old, volunteered to bait it for her.  When he was done he gave her the rod, and without checking around her, she cast the line, and the hook went right through the boy’s eyelid. Immediately we called for an ambulance and headed for shore. Being that I was also a nurse, I took charge of caring for the child until we got back to shore and the waiting ambulance. That child lay on my lap the entire time while we rode back to shore, and not once did he cry, or show any signs of being in pain. 

After the child received the medical attention he needed, I expressed to the doctor and his social worker how shocking it was that he showed no pain. His social worker then told me that at that point in his life he had been through so much mental and emotional abuse, that the physical didn’t bother him anymore.

We often wonder how/why a woman stays in an abusive relationship. Sometimes that woman has lost her spirit, self-esteem, and any thoughts of her life having value or worth. She’s an empty vessel. As a result, she’s happy to hold on to whatever might give her a glimmer of hope and happiness, even if it’s only in bits and pieces.

Depending on a woman’s upbringing, she may not know what real love looks or feels like. It’s possible that she never felt good about herself as a child, a teenager, a young woman, and this carries on into adulthood.20140828_081955

The first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to believe that you deserve better, understand that no one can love and respect you until you can love and respect yourself! You have to make the decision that you want better, and when you do, the help is out there for you!  Is it scary?? YES! Will it be work? YES! When you have been conditioned to believe that your life has no value, when your self-esteem and belief in yourself has been non-existent, it will take time to change that thought process. It will take time to get rid of the negative thoughts in your head, remove the negative people from your life, and come to the realization that you are priceless, and worthy of the best that life has to offer!

How do I know this to be true? I know because for years I experienced emotional abuse as a child, through my teenage years and a young adult.  Then my breaking point came and I realized that it was up to me to take responsibility for the happiness in my life. When I began to change…things around me changed. The old me died years ago and I love who I am now!

Janay Rice, if you’re out there reading this, just know that NO man, NO amount of money, and NO amount of fame is worth your life, and unfortunately when you’re in a domestic violence situation you really are risking your life.  I truly hope that you and Ray seek the help that you need, and be mindful that domestic violence doesn’t just go away; it is a disease that can be treated, but only if you take the first step. 

 RULE #1 –THAT YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE ELSE!

If you or someone you know needs immediate help with domestic violence call:   THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE: 1-800-799-7233


From the desk of Ameenah

If you’d like more tips, poems, quotes or tools for a Healthy Mind, visit:

http://www.ameenahross.com/#!book/cktc

MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY 50 -THINGS I’VE LEARNED

 Excerpts from the book “Depression Free: A Wise Woman’s Guide to Healing and Happiness”

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# 35 Don’t be afraid to ask the right questions, and ask as many as you need.
As a nurse, I have escorted patients into a room to see the doctor countless times. They have a 20 to 30 minute visit, and then the doctor leaves the room. When I return, often the patient still has questions that should have been directed to the doc.
“Why didn’t you ask the doctor?” I ask the patient. “Well, I thought he/she was really busy and I didn’t want to hold them up,” is a popular response. “I really didn’t understand what was said, but I didn’t want to keep him/her.” is another one.
My reply is usually the same.
“Sir/ma’am, this is your body, and it’s important that you ask the doctor any questions you have, and be sure that you understand the answers before he/she leaves the room.” At that point I find the doctor, and ask him or her to come back to the room, which they’re generally happy to do.
When I was dating, I was told on more than one occasion that I ask too many questions. Then I met someone who liked the fact that I asked questions…especially the right ones! I ask until I understand.

3 Tips
• Don’t allow anyone to intimidate you into not asking a question that you feel you should.
• Never feel like your questions are unimportant…if it’s important to you …then it matters.
• In a group setting, you may be hesitant to ask a question because you think it may sound silly, but often, someone else is thinking about the same question, and like you… feels uncomfortable asking. So take a deep breath…shake off the fear, and you can begin with “This question may sound silly but…?”

Have you had situations where you didn’t speak up when you should have or wanted to? How did you feel after the window of opportunity had passed you by?

From the desk of Ameenah

If you’d like more tips, poems, quotes or tools for a Healthy Mind, visit:
http://www.ameenahross.com/#!book/cktc