Tag Archive | spirit

Happy Monday! Are you pepped up..prayed up and ready to go?

Do you know that statistics say that many people have heart attacks  on Monday morning going to jobs that they hate!

My nugget for the day is…

Don’t let undeserving people kill your spirit and make you bitter. Sometimes others around you can’t accept that you’re  growing…making positive changes, and creating a happier, more productive and peaceful life. They are energy drainers, be aware.  Stay as far away from them as you would someone with a bad cold!

Sometimes others are stuck in their own stuff! YoU can’t change that. It’s good to care and be supportive but not at the expense of  letting someone impinge on your development and happiness…

So…keep smiling and focused and remember that you can’t control what people say or do but..you can decide how and if  you choose to respond to them!

Stay Pepped up…Prayed up…and ready to go!!!

 

Please share what keeps you up and motivated when your surroundings are a challenge?

From the desk of Ameenah Ross

Nurse. Author.Speaker

http://www.ameenahross.com


 

 

THE FALL OF RAY RICE – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TAKES THE FIELD

It always concerns me to see one of God’s creatures wounded, so in the wake of the recent Ray Rice incident, I feel compelled to weigh in on the domestic violence conversation.  Unless you have been locked away from all forms of communication this past week, I’m sure you’re aware of the incident where NFL star Ray Rice delivered a devastating punch to his fiancé’s face during a domestic dispute, and luckily for her the incident was caught on tape.  First and foremost, I hope both Ray Rice and Janay Rice get the help they need as individuals, and then as a couple.

down but not outThis past Monday, my friend and I watched in horror as we, like the rest of the world, saw Ray Rice’s knock out video and reacted with pure shock. However, we didn’t realize that his wife married him shortly after the incident until listening to the broadcasters discussing it during Monday night football. “What, she married him after he knocked her unconscious, how crazy is that!” My friend yelled at the television. But I wasn’t the least bit surprised. I told her I’d seen that play out many times before.  As a former domestic abuse counselor I have accompanied numerous women to court for restraining orders, helped them get the resources they needed to create a new, abuse free life, only to see them voluntarily go back to their abuser in a few days to a week.  To make matters worse, the video didn’t show Ray Rice in a defenseless position, or at a point where his life was in danger, so his vicious left uppercut wasn’t impulsive.  I don’t believe this was the first time Janay has been abused by Ray Rice, I think this is the first time that he’s been caught!!  This screams of a woman who is stuck in an abusive relationship.

I am equally disappointed in the NFL for not reacting swiftly enough when this incident was first brought to their attention in April of 2014.  Even though the NFL claims that they didn’t see the “entire” tape initially, they did see enough to determine that Ray Rice beat his fiancé unconscious in an elevator in Atlantic City.  What does this say about our society when a corporation as large as the NFL doesn’t take swift, precise action when it comes to domestic violence?  What does it say when the prosecutor viewed this barbaric display of violence and gave Ray Rice a deal that includes no jail time?  Ray Rice isn’t the first domestic violence case in the NFL, nor is he the only current case pending…. the NFL viewership is over 50% female, and I think they need to display a better sensitivity to woman’s rights!!

Domestic abuse is similar to mental health issues in the sense that neither discriminates. I‘ve worked with women who were getting away from their abusive spouses who were lawyers, doctors, judges like U.S. District Judge Mark Fuller of Alabama, police officers…etc. For those women, their fear was that because their husband’s / boyfriend’s positions were so prominent that it was too difficult to report them, or get the help and support they needed to find a safe place to escape to.

I have also had personal friends who are well-educated doctors, social workers, and blue-collar employees alike; all financially independent women, yet they still found themselves caught up in abusive relationships.  Luckily, most of these individuals have managed to overcome their abusive situations. So while some women stay because of finances or prominence, for many others the issue is far deeper.

If I may, allow me to share a brief story with you:

When I worked as a counselor for a foster care program, one day we took a group of foster children on a fishing trip. Once the captain found a great spot for us to throw out our lines people began baiting their hooks. One older girl didn’t know how to do that, so one of the boys, 11 years old, volunteered to bait it for her.  When he was done he gave her the rod, and without checking around her, she cast the line, and the hook went right through the boy’s eyelid. Immediately we called for an ambulance and headed for shore. Being that I was also a nurse, I took charge of caring for the child until we got back to shore and the waiting ambulance. That child lay on my lap the entire time while we rode back to shore, and not once did he cry, or show any signs of being in pain. 

After the child received the medical attention he needed, I expressed to the doctor and his social worker how shocking it was that he showed no pain. His social worker then told me that at that point in his life he had been through so much mental and emotional abuse, that the physical didn’t bother him anymore.

We often wonder how/why a woman stays in an abusive relationship. Sometimes that woman has lost her spirit, self-esteem, and any thoughts of her life having value or worth. She’s an empty vessel. As a result, she’s happy to hold on to whatever might give her a glimmer of hope and happiness, even if it’s only in bits and pieces.

Depending on a woman’s upbringing, she may not know what real love looks or feels like. It’s possible that she never felt good about herself as a child, a teenager, a young woman, and this carries on into adulthood.20140828_081955

The first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to believe that you deserve better, understand that no one can love and respect you until you can love and respect yourself! You have to make the decision that you want better, and when you do, the help is out there for you!  Is it scary?? YES! Will it be work? YES! When you have been conditioned to believe that your life has no value, when your self-esteem and belief in yourself has been non-existent, it will take time to change that thought process. It will take time to get rid of the negative thoughts in your head, remove the negative people from your life, and come to the realization that you are priceless, and worthy of the best that life has to offer!

How do I know this to be true? I know because for years I experienced emotional abuse as a child, through my teenage years and a young adult.  Then my breaking point came and I realized that it was up to me to take responsibility for the happiness in my life. When I began to change…things around me changed. The old me died years ago and I love who I am now!

Janay Rice, if you’re out there reading this, just know that NO man, NO amount of money, and NO amount of fame is worth your life, and unfortunately when you’re in a domestic violence situation you really are risking your life.  I truly hope that you and Ray seek the help that you need, and be mindful that domestic violence doesn’t just go away; it is a disease that can be treated, but only if you take the first step. 

 RULE #1 –THAT YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE ELSE!

If you or someone you know needs immediate help with domestic violence call:   THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE: 1-800-799-7233


From the desk of Ameenah

If you’d like more tips, poems, quotes or tools for a Healthy Mind, visit:

http://www.ameenahross.com/#!book/cktc

Are You Ready To Make a Choice?

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Happy or sad.

Love or hate.

Optimistic or pessimistic.

Grateful or unappreciative.

Holding on to baggage or taking it to the dump.

Living with passion & a purpose or just existing.

In control of your life or being controlled by circumstances.

How’s life’s journey going so far? Is there anything you’d like to change … another path you’d like to take?
The great thing is that we’re  responsible for our own lives and therefore have the power to change the path we’re traveling.
Sometimes… F.E.A.R. (False Expectations Appearing Real) creeps in and it feels safer to do nothing…but I’ve learned to feel the fear and do it anyway! (the name of a great book I read years ago) I take little steps…like testing the pool water before plunging in for a swim.

Each day we get a little older and the reality is that none of us will get out of this world alive! So…hmm…do you want to live it striving for passion and purpose or are you content to just exist day-to-day …year to year? I’ve decided to shoot for the stars and maybe …just maybe, I’ll at least land on the moon!

We are all blessed with a gift…a talent …something we’re to share with the world… Are you ready to make your presence known?

Please join me if you can for a meet and Greet Book Signing on August 24th

Ameenah Ross book signing, 8.24.14

or visit me at http://www.ameenahross.com/#!our-coaches/cktc

THE FORGIVENESS ADVANTAGE (Tools for happier living)

dove   Forgiving someone who has wronged you can be an extremely difficult thing to do, that person may not even ask for forgiveness or in your eyes even deserve to be forgiven …but you know what… the thing is that you’re really forgiving them for yourself! You forgive so your heart, soul and spirit can heal… you close that door and open a window with opportunities for emotionally healthy living and loving. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you put your head in the lion’s mouth again or in harm’s way. No… you learned the lesson and you move on. In order for me to forgive, I had to ask myself if I’ve ever needed to have anyone forgive me, and though I would like to think I’m perfect…I’m not; I’ve even had to go to God and ask for forgiveness. So I had to ask myself how can I be granted forgiveness if I’m not willing to forgive. My experiences have taught me that by letting go and letting God take control that you can free yourself from the bondage that hate and anger can hold you in. Life has an expiration date so I choose to do my best to live it well and happy until that time… I wonder what the world would be like if we practiced a little more forgiveness, hmm…Just asking.

 

 

I Am My Mother’s Eyes…

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At 28 my mother was completely blind. I was 11 and my brother was 6. The year before, as she was losing her sight, if my dad wasn’t able to get off work to take her to a clinic appointment, it became my job. We lived in Boston, so the good thing was that public transportation was convenient.
For a little girl, I had a big job. To get my Mom to the clinic safely, not letting her trip on a stair, bump into anything or have any accidents. I didn’t always count the stairs correctly or keep her from bumping into something, but I did the best that I could.
What I disliked the most was people staring at us. I hated it… however, we were always offered a seat on the train or bus.
I became my mother’s new set of eyes. Reading her the mail, the stories in magazines that she liked…many of the same ones I watched her read when she could see. I wrote all of her letters, business and the ones to friends.
One of my favorite things was going to the Hallmark store and reading different cards to her until she found something she liked. I became a connoisseur of greeting cards. Sometimes I think that my passion for writing was ignited from my reading and writing for her.
When my mother went blind she was offered classes to help her adapt to her new way of life. I remember a woman coming to teach her braille, a system of writing for the blind consisting of raised dots that can be interpreted by touch. Mom, for reasons I don’t remember, didn’t continue with that. She didn’t want to have a see and eye dog or learn to use a cane.
My mother, however, never stopped taking care of our home. She continued to cook, clean, wash and iron clothes, and people still commented on how good she looked. Nails, hair, clothes…never lost a beat! She also became my dad’s secretary when he started his own business.
With my mother’s blindness came safety proofing the house; making sure there was nothing on the floor she could trip over. Cabinets had to be shut so she didn’t bang her head or bump her leg. It was important to not rearrange things unless she did it because touch and familiarity was critical for her… and cleaning…well she checked you’re cleaning by running her hands over the surface of what you cleaned, if she felt dirt or grit on it …you, were in trouble. You’d be surprised at how clean a surface looks until you run your hand across it. Try it sometime.
It’s amazing how God increases tenfold the senses you do have, when one is lost. My mother could hear a bug pee on cotton, smell you a mile away… and count her money, coins and bills. She developed a method for everything.
When clothes shopping, she would describe what she wanted and tell you the colors she was looking for. The rest was touch…the feel of a fabric, the cut, the placement of the buttons or zipper. The details please…just the details. If she wanted to see you, she’d asked to feel your face…she would cup your face in her hands and then gently and slowly glide her fingers over your face, taking in each detail… the shape of your nose, fullness of your cheeks, thickness of your lips, your ears, the texture of your hair, and your voice. Together, like a puzzle, they created her picture.
My mother has long passed away, funny…I still find myself conscious of open cabinets and doors, be it my home or anyone else’s, and I still run my hand across things after I clean.
My fear as a young person was that I would be blind by thirty… thankfully, thirty came and went.
I sometimes wonder…if I had to lose one of my senses, which would it be? I love the smiles I see on my grandchildren’s faces when they greet me, and the awesomeness of watching the sunrise over the ocean. I look forward to hearing the birds sing as I do my morning walk and feel the crisp spring breeze on my cheeks, the smell of homemade oatmeal cookies in the oven make my day and an evening of drinking ginger tea with a good book is soothing.
There is nothing I’d want to give up, so… I just keeping thanking God every day that my senses are all intact. I honor them.

 

 


 

 

Mirror..Mirror…on the Wall

 

 

 

 

After combing my hair this morning and applying a tad of eye shadow and lip gloss I stopped to just take a moment and really look at myself in the mirror and reflect on where I had been …where I wanted to go and most of all where I am right now today… in my personal growth.

On a scale of 1-10 I gave myself a 9 plus because there is always room for improvement. What I am most happy about is that my spirit and soul are at peace. That even though I am still sometimes challenged by the behavior of someone or something I have no control over I am able to choose how I handle the situations. (I like something I heard Steve Harvey say “You can’t have a testimony without a test!” Well… let me tell ya! God’s given me plenty of both! In fact let me ask him…“God…am I not strong enough yet?” ( I think he has a great sense of humor !)
As we know from some of our beloved super stars like Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston not finding your peace can lead to deadly outcomes. Money cannot buy it for you.
I look in the mirror and I am simply content with me. Doesn’t mean there aren’t imperfections or things I want to change… It means that I accept me as I am. Doesn’t matter what Judy, John or Mary thinks!
It’s about loving the person in the mirror…The only person you have complete control over.
So as you put the glamour on and the great smile you show others on the outside…are you feeling the same on the inside???

Would enjoy hearing your comments….

 


 

 

Anger! 3 reasons to Let Go… 3 solutions that can help!

Are you still holding on to anger from past relationships…a dysfunctional parent/child relationship…sibling rivalry …stressful job or  other situations that put us in fight or flight mode?
Well, here’s …

  Good reasons to let go!
1. Anger, resentment, hate, and guilt are emotional viruses that attack and eat away at your heart, your spirit, and your soul.
2. The stress brought on by these emotions are damaging to your physical and mental health.
3. Holding on to these emotions immobilize you and keep you from growing and moving on to what can bring you peace, prosperity and happiness.

   3  Great ways to start the process of letting go!

1. Let Go and Let GOD…as a person who’s been challenged and tested more times than I care to remember (and still being tested) I stand firm in knowing that having faith in God (whatever faith you are and whatever name you call him) is a key in giving you the strength to endure …I am a witness that what doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger!
2. Choose to love yourself to the point where you no longer want to give these emotions the power and control they have over you. Remember…this is for you to move on with your life! You want to smile again, live again… love again!
3. Don’t be afraid to talk with someone…not just your buddy! (Counselor, spiritual adviser, etc.)Talk with someone you trust. Someone who can be objective and not just tell you what you want to hear, but tell you what you need to hear! And then provide you with a shoulder to lean on and the emotional tools to help get you where you want to go!

Allowing your heart, soul and spirit to heal, closes a door and opens a window of opportunities for healthy living!

Is there anything you need to let go of today?

I invite you to check out my book, A Wise Woman’s Guide to Healing and Happiness at http://www.ameenahross.com for more tools for happier living. – Ameenah

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